12.13.2005

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4.24.2005

NFL Draft Fantasy Focus

Fantasy Football draft day developments

(1) San Francisco 49ers: Alex Smith, QB The 49ers grabbed Smith to be the foundation to build they're future around. Rookie quarterbacks struggle and Smith will be no different. San Francisco will be playing from behind alot which will give Smith an opportunity to throw the rock often. You can't count anyone out, after all the Chargers went from 4-12 and being dissed by Eli Manning to a 12-4 division winner. I don't see SF as this years SD, but anything is possable in California. Consider that they're governor isn't a governor, but a Governator. I guess if your bumper sticker says, "my governator beat up your governor" nothing seems impossable. Fantasy Footballers with an eye on match-ups might be able to take advantage of the 49ers soft defense and start Smith in a couple shootouts. The summer will tell us what Alex has around him, but he makes the Niners better immediately.
(2) Miami Dolphins: Ronnie Brown RB Nick Saban knows Ronnie Brown well from his days in the SEC. With a smothering defense the Dolphins aren't usually in high scoring shootouts. A back that can wear down teams in the fourth quarter is what Miami needed and got in Ronnie Brown. Saban will give him every opportunity to be the feature back in Miami. In 2004 the Dolphins rushing attack was like a proctology exam, it's just as brutal to watch as it is to go through. Brown will pull the rushing game out of embarrasement and be a viable starter for fantasy footballers.
(3) Cleveland Browns: Braylon Edwards WR With Trent Dilfer at the helm the Brown aren't going to light up many scoreboards, but they might win a few more. The tandem of Kellen Winslow and Braylon Edwards will bring excitement to Cleveland, although not always on the field. The ego's of Winslow and Edwards will provide the drama that the media will eat up and by the end of the year we wont be hearing about Bennifer but Brayllen, you've been warned. Edwards will post good numbers, but it wont be this year.
(4) Chicago Bears: Cedric Benson RB I haven't been high on the big Texas back and I don't know why. He's a proven workhorse with the work ethic and drive that seperates the good players from the great ones. Lovie Smith has been saying that the Bears were going to run the ball more. The selction of Benson is a sign that Chicago is ready to run the rock. Although it's not official, Chicago finally has a follow up single to the 1985 hit "Super Bowl shuffle". I can't say much, but it's a remix of a popular Sir Mix-a-Lot song and begins with "I like big backs and I don't know why, fantasy footballers can't deny". With Cedric in town, Chicago definitely has a big back. Cedric will pass Thomas Jones on the depth chart and when he does the big back could post big numbers.
(5) Tampa Bay Buccanneers: Carnell "Cadilac" Williams RB Tampa's new "Cadilac" is more bling-bling than Adam "Pac-man" Jones' diamond studded Pac-man necklace. Gruden coached Williams during the Senior Bowl and was impressed with his size, speed, hands and agility. The Caddy might not produce much until later in the year like the Jones boys did last year. The gamebreaker abilities he has should not be overlooked by fantasyballers. The patient fantasy owner who drafts Williams will be poppin collar's and showing off they're bling-bling by mid-season.
(7) Minnesota Vikings: Troy Williamson WR It really isn't a suprise that the Vikes threw a curveball on draft day, choosing Williamson over Mike Williams. Draft day has been an experience to say the least the last couple of years for Minnesota. The Vikings are like the clueless owner that is beaten on yearly in your fantasy league, you almost feel sorry for them. Williamson is a speed demon which fits the vertical passing attack of Minnesota, but he's not nearly as polished as his USC counterpart. We shall see how it turns out, but I heard Mike Tice was going to draft Drew Brees number one in his fantasy league. The sad thing is that it's believable.
(10) Detroit Lions: Mike Williams WR The Matt Millen GM experiment seems to be stuck in big receiver gear. No one can deny the amount of talent that the Lions have on offense, but Mooch needs Little Joey or Garcia to get the ball to these guys. Fantasy footballers now face a situation that may be best to avoid, chooding between Roy, Mike or Charles. It's hard to imagine the ball not getting spread around enough to limit each players potential value. If someone steps up at QB then the Lions offense could be sick.
(21) Jacksonville Jaguars: Superfreak Matt Jones QB/WR/TE/RB and all out baller Matt brings the freakshow to Florida. The Jags now have one of the most unique offensive weapons in the NFL. I targeted Jones as the best player in the 2005 NFL draft. Rantasy football position rules are going to be debated, leaving league comissioners with headaches all because of the Superfreak. Stash him away as a reserve in your draft and when he breaks out, you can break out a little Rick James on your league.
(42) Arizona Cardinals: JJ Arrington RB I love this guy's intensity, competitiveness, aggression and game. JJ is an upgrade over Marcel Shipp in every sense of the word. The Arizona offense is full of playmakers and is an offense fantasy footballers need to watch. With a soft schedule, new aggressive uniforms and a new stadium on the way, Arizona becomes one of the biggest sleepers in 2005. JJ should start right away and deserves a spot on your fantasy roster. It's not a dessert mirage, the Cards are for real.

Fat Cobra Revolution

Men need a voice in society. Fat Cobra is our voice. It all begin one winter evening amidst the usual stories that spread fear (ie-west nile virus, flu vaccine shortage, 2000 is armeggedon, Bush reelected and many more), there it was. Fat Cobra Adult Video. My local news reported that the area was upset with having this seedy business in the area. The irony is it ends up being a big advertisement for Fat Cobra. The owner was interviewed, and I knew Fat Cobra was the voice of men anywhere. I can't recall the owners name, I wish it was Fat Cobra, but his lack of hygene and blaize attitude knowing full well he was going on TV was legendary. Picture this: They cut to the scene, which is of course Fat Cobra Adult Video. The reporter and owner(or all men everywhere, if you will) standing face to face. The owner is big, bearded, dirty and most likely just finished watching a new release from his fine establishment. He has that look, it could have been that he was smoking with a relaxed feel too. Way too relaxed, like he had truly just nutted. The reporter who I am sure is rethinking his entire career of investigative journalism asks the owner about his business. During the owners reply he said Fat Cobra at least 10 times and every time staring into the eyes of the reporter with smoke bellowing out of his mouth each time. It was epic. The name was adopted with no understanding as to the journey ahead. The symbolsim of a weak flacid unit rising to become a rock hard monument seems fitting for this endevaour. They say its not what you do with your Fat Cobra but how you use it. Once I learned how to use my Fat Cobra my moves were the stuff that Kama Sutra can only rival. In sex you usually get two responses to a new move, either: "Oh yeah" or they turn around and say "Hey, dont do that". That is what Fat Cobra is all about. The revolution has begun, it's time for men to be men.

4.13.2005

Affro-bonics

This isn't required reading, nor will you be tested on it.  You may however, use it as a resource to understand some of the terminology that we use.  Each of us talks to our best friend(s) dramatically different than we do in any other situation.  The bottom line is that whenever you meet someone for the first time, you're not meeting them, but their representative.  This is our primary form of communicating at work, church and home.  There is no need to be PC with good buddies, (whom know your not PC).  You won't benefit by being talked to in a stuffy, "professional," fake manner, or even enjoy it, unless your into BDSM.  You should just consider Affro as your good buddy. The one that all the women in your life wish you didn't hang out with.  If you are easily offended, remember you're not being tested on this, and you can stop reading at any time.  One final disclaimer:  for those who are offended, you should seek help with your problem. Thank you.


Affro-bonics


Nutting: Being in the zone, dominating the opponent, a single phenomenal play, punishing your fantasy opponent or any other act of excellence. The power of blowing a load, climaxing or nutting, if you will, is the only similar feeling of satisfaction that great performances provide. EX: "Last week Priest nutted on Oak."


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How you doin: A statement of satisfaction. Used when you win, your players score, you had a great call, or your opponent loses a starter. It can also be used to remind opponents how bad they suck. EX: (For this example let's pretend I have Randy Moss).   Someone says to you, "Randy just nutted for his third TD!" You reply, "How you doin!"


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Ass out: In a nutshell, it is when someone makes an ass of themself. The experience of seeing or being around a person that asses out is when you truly understand the term. You have probably had a friend that gets drunk and you are embarassed to be around him.  If so, then you have seen an ass out. Fantasy Footballers have seen reporters ass out with horrible analysis, as well as players, coaches and fellow league members. EX: "Did you hear Joe Buck ass out about Randy Moss?".


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Naughty:  The highest level of nutting.  It's Legendary.  When a baller is nutting every play, and you have to look away.  That is Naughty.  It's Naughty becasue it's legendary to watch, but you almost feel like you shouldn't watch.   Bo Jackson nutting on Brian Bosworth on the one yard line was Naughty.  The 2004 performance of Peyton Manning was Naughty.  He nutted every week until it just got Naughty!


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4.04.2005

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